i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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