I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
