around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
