What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
