i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
