why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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