got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
