Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize