he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
