Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
