I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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