Your face is a jimmy john
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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