We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
