I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
