sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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