I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
