i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
