The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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