I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
