Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
