Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
