i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
