I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
