Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
