dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
