dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
