I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
