Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
