I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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