Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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