I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
