Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
