It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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