So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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