College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize