My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize