I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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