did you get engaged???
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
