when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
