I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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