he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
