Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
