Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
