You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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