Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
