okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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