Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
