Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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