They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
