My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
