haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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