And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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