It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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