We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
