Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did i walk over a car last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize