omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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