The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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