I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
