I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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