im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize