My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
