Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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