Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
