My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
