i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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