remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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