I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize