I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
