I didn't shave. On purpose
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
