I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
