I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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