i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
