i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
worst night to have a conscience
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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