What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
