so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
