i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
