AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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