Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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