Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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