my vag is so smooth its legendary
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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