Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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