i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
