We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
