hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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