Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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