There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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